" Has Patriji Killed Me ? "
I am Sunethra from Sri Lanka.
By profession, I am a media consultant and an author.
Throughout my professional life, my name-cards were paid by other organizations or individuals. Now, I hesitate to give my card, because I feel that I am not the same person ! I feel that I have by-passed the woman known as ‘ Sunethra ’ in Sri Lankan literary and media circles !
Has Patriji killed me .. or Sunethra’s overself has done that ? !
Patriji could be a key participant in my happy death. In the year 2007 August, in his base voice, he said “ Go, Go and Go ” .. when we were leaving from the meditation programme at Tiruvannamalai. Before that he arranged us to visit Bangalore Pyramid. His “ Go ” meant, “ Go and teach meditation to many people ”. I always thought that some one like Sri Ramana Maharshi has to show the green light for me to be a meditation teacher.
Long before I met Patriji, I have been meditating and back-packing in India. I knew that I was searching something or someone. I never had a guru.
But, I knew how to meditate. In 1994, when I was in the International House of Berkely University, California, every night I floated with my bed.
I thought that the American beds are comfortable even in a students hostel !
One day, when I was meditating at home in the mid 90’s, a flash-light ignited my head for a moment. But, it didn’t change my life. Those days, I felt as if there was electrification in my hands. There was a time when I walked keeping my hand away from the body to feel that sensation !
Once, while I was meditating under a neem tree in Sarnath, I felt as if I was in a swing. I felt as if I was seated on a cushion. There was nothing between my body and the naked earth ! Ever-since, it was easy for me to get into that floating sensation at any place. I did that even in the airports. Once, I was able to help a distressed Indian in a train who approached me by seeing me meditating. I had a caricature-like vision of his son and their family problem.
I had a strange desire to see the ruins of Nalanda University in Bihar. First time when I went there, I saw an old well in the monks’ residential area, I felt as if I had lived there and there should be a road that leads to Rajgir city from the other side of the village. I even walked to the current University thinking that I will be able to stay there. It didn’t occur to me that I am a woman and only monks are allowed to stay there !
They directed me to the Chinese temple which accepts a limited number of pilgrims. There, I got almost into a trance-like state and meditated standing outside under a tree. Afterwards, I felt embarrassed !
I have been dreaming to write a historical novel about a Sri Lankan who had gone to Nalanda University from Abyagiri University in Sri Lanka. I started reading 3rd century to 11th century literature with this idea. I always had a great curiosity to read about history and archeology.
I had a strange desire to visit historical cities in Pakistan. Once, I grabbed a conference opportunity to Lahore, mainly to visit “ Harappa ”, “ Takshasila ” and “ Khandahar ”. I felt very much at home in Takshasila, but a deep sadness also welled in my heart. At Harappa museum, I stood by the side of a women’s skeleton for a long time. I saw her as a very tall woman having tiny marks of blood coming out of the corners of her mouth.
I mentioned the edited versions of my visions in newspaper columns as my own imaginations. Being a highly creative person, I credited all those things to the account of my fiction writer’s role.
I am not a rich person. Even my house needs repairs. I didn’t have any savings. Although I am mother of a son and a daughter, it never became a valid reason to stop me from those strange lonely back-pack trips ! There were so many cover stories, articles and interviews about my life in print and electronic media ! My media friends still consider me as an unusual woman !
There were many times when I failed to understand myself. I felt as if I was trapped in some other woman’s body. It was like two different people sharing the same body ! I tried hard to be an average woman ! But that woman refused to infuse into me !
I always expected 100% loyalty from everybody. I never met those who really practice 100% truth of whatever they preach or speak. Often, I felt badly betrayed by somebody or some organization. At the same time, such incidents pushed me to question myself and look into the other side of all sad, bad and mad moments of my life.
Once, I did a 104 page monthly magazine simply to share what I read. Without any funds or a staff, I managed it for one year ! Two university students volunteered to do the parcel postings. I changed the translation trends. Instead of paying lip service to a Minister or the President, I selected the difficult path and I did not know why. My principles or my Indian trips did not cater to the needs of my family. So, I had to do media consultancy to earn money. I managed to retain my freedom, do many projects, write more than 25 books, do research work and edit many publications !
I was in China from the end of the year 2000 to 2004. Living alone in a nice apartment in Beijing Friendship Hotel, I tried to learn Sanskrit instead of Chinese ! I used to meditate and do difficult yoga postures without a guru and swim in meditation. I didn’t miss Sri Lanka, but I missed my annual Indian pilgrimages ! It is something very difficult to explain. My job was like a child’s play there. So, I used that period to write seven novels. All those books had something about meditation and “ Maitreya Buddha ” ! Except my first novel, all other novels had many poems woven into some story.
An Italian friend in Beijing gave me Paramahansa Yoganandaji’s photograph. From the day I read his Autobiography in late 90’s, I thought about him as one of my spiritual guides. Paramahansaji appeared to me in a dream in the year 2006 and blessed me ! He said certain things. But now I am unable to recall what he said. After that, things started moving quickly. I went to Sri Ramana Ashram in Tamil Nadu, India. I had many meditation experiences there. I wrote “ Vichithra Veerya ”, a book about that trip ! Last year, I went to Sri Ramana Ashram four times, I felt as if I was going to my father’s house !
I wanted to win an international award to find enough money to build a “ Maitreya Buddha Ashram ”, library, and a hospital complex ! After visiting Bangalore Pyramid, I felt that Patriji has already carved it into a reality ! I always had a clear vision about the things that should be done in such a place. While I was still dreaming, this master has already achieved it !
We went to Kerala on Pyramid Master Minood’s invitation. His cousin Resmi also came to meditate with us. We got a message and high energy from a higher being through Resmi. We never expected such a thing ! Soon after that, Minood and Resmi went to Hyderabad to attend Dr. Newton’s programme. We were asked to remain in Kerala until they return. I was not in a position to move around. I felt like a drunken person. When I was meditating, I felt as if someone was drilling the middle of my head. I saw myself as a very poor tribal woman in Peru and Minood’s wife “ Deepa ” as my daughter almost dying in starvation. When I felt a little better, we went to Kanyakumari and came back to hear about Minood and Resmi’s experience. By that time I didn’t have any pain. But, I was in constant meditation. Resmi said that I had a astral surgery !
Minood did a regression for me, and I had the death experience. I was breath-less for some time. Then I went into a bright-light. At once I sat in lotus position and I was in that position for about one hour even after I opened my eyes ! I felt Resmi’s husband Ajith as my son and I even told him, “ why didn’t I recognize you my little boy ? You were very naughty those days ! ” But, I didn’t have any vision and I do not know why I said that. But before that, he told Resmi that he feels like calling me “ Ma ” !
After the regression, I felt as if my whole body was cleansed ! It was like putting a long coir brush to a dirty bottle ! I felt rejuvenated. Soon after that we returned home. But, I did not want to teach simple pranayama to anybody. Sri Lanka is full of Vipassana Meditation Centers. Average Sri Lankans know most of the Buddhist stories and stanzas by heart. But, I noticed that even those who attend meditation programs do not know how to stop the constant inner thoughtwaves. So, I thought, “ if I am to teach meditation, I should be able to find a way to transfer that knowledge to the seekers. Going to a temple, sitting still and closing eyes for half an hour or reciting prayer- like well-wishing verses is not meditation ! ”Although I was able to stop my inner thoughts, “ how to teach it to the others ” became the real challenge.
One day, when I was meditating at home, many breathing techniques came to my mind. Then I tried those with my daughter-in-law Vasana, my husband Nihal and daughter Vidarshi. Their responses encouraged me.
Throughout my life, I never encouraged my ‘ fans ’ to visit my home. One day, a young geologist called on me. Before I met Patriji, when she wanted to meet me, I asked her to come to a drama festival, where I was a jury member. But that day, in last September, when she called, I allowed her to come home. She came as a ‘ fan ’ who wanted to tell her story. But, I suggested her to do meditation ! My new breathing techniques worked very well with her! Then I invited six others to meditate ! That day, I got up early morning and cooked as if I was getting ready for a party ! I never had any parties at my home. My middle class parents always tried to live above their financial level. However, I always shunned such events. By the time we came to meet Patriji in the year 2007 December, we have had 32 meditation sessions at our home for a total of 36 people ! Every time it became such a pleasure to cook food for the meditators !
I see yogis when I get lost in meditation. Even in the years 2005 and 2006, I saw some hands garlanding me. I thought that I was ‘ imagining ’ all those things. But, I do not have any control over those experiences. I do not know where I go. Trivendrum Pyramid Master Supriya told Patriji about some of my experiences. I told Patriji, “ No, I am not going to tell you ”. He simply said, “ My small ears are waiting to hear this big story ”.
Then, I started telling him about how I was unable to come out of meditation even after two hours. It happened at the huge shed at Tiruvannamalai “ Ahimsa Dhyana Maha Yagnam ” programme. All others have gone for lunch. But Supriya waited for me. I was engulfed in light ! Twice I felt as if someone was holding ‘ arathi ’ to me ! I felt the incense smell very strongly. After I came out of it, I was unable to speak. That night, I managed to speak. Then I asked Supriya about that smell. Although she was not meditating, she too got the smell and she looked around to find the source. However, she could not see anybody taking an incense burner.
Before I came to that part of the story, Patriji said that my daughter and I were Tibetan Masters. The names he mentioned sounded too high for us ! I asked Minood and others whether he was joking. “ Patriji won’t joke about such things ” they all said. But I found it difficult to accept...
Next day, in Tiruvannamalai, I told Patriji about the breathing techniques I use. Then again he said : “ My dear, you were .. and your technique has been perfected many centuries ago ! So nothing wrong with it ! ”
Patriji hummed a tune in two different ways and asked me whether there is any difference in the basic raga. His heart is so large ! It has enough space to understand, accept and appreciate another person .. or a different technique !
When I heard this Tibetan Past Life story for the third time from Patriji, I went to the Ramana Ashram Library. I found the necessary books. I had the shock of my life ! Many words that I already used in my books and even some of my poems are much similar to that historical figure’s poems and words ! At once, I understood what that Tibetan Master mentioned about holding two Buddhas on his palm ! I realized the breathing techniques I have been using belong to a very secretive ancient esoteric practice ! If I knew that, I would not have given it so easily to everybody who came to my home !
Minood’s wife Deepa’s uncle told them that I appeared to him in his meditation. That I even told him that I am from Sri Lanka ! He told Minood and Deepa about it. I laughed and said “ the moment he really sees me he will say that the woman he has seen is much more saintly than this ‘ Sunethra ’ ”. Anyway, the day I met him in Kerala, Pyramid Master “ Glenda ” and her husband Richard from England happened to be there. Glenda witnessed the scene. I do not want to write more details. Yes .. I have seen uncle Shashi’s face in my meditation. But I did not know he is from Kerala. Even before I left for Kerala, I told my friend Tania, about a disused shrine or a temple in that uncle’s village. I did not want to talk about it even to Minood. But that day after teaching some of the breathing techniques to Glenda and the group who gathered at Minood’s house, I was compelled to question about the temple. The answer was “ Yes ” !
Now you understand why I have a loving accusation towards Patriji for ‘ killing ’ me !! He triggered something and many things became clear. Yes, now, I can call myself a “ Meditation Teacher ” or a “ Yogini ”. YES I AM THAT!